A Blank Canvas

There’s no power like that of first true love. Before it happens, your heart is a blank canvas, an unwritten story. That’s what I was until I met you.

You rattled parts of me that I didn’t even know existed. You showed me a kind of happiness that I had no idea I was capable of feeling. You made me feel wanted, you made me feel needed. You taught me so much, and you exploded my world. A few months of walking on sunshine like that and nothing will ever look the same to me again.

Love takes courage. You are forced to become vulnerable, to face and surrender the most fragile parts of yourself. It’s impossible to do it with the same naïve, reckless abandon the second or third time around. I love the feeling of assurance that there will never be a second or third time. Love, true love, is an amazing thing.

I'm In Love with My Best Friend

I'm in love with my best friend.

As bad as it may sound, I've actually looked for flaws within Him. Now, I'm a little bit of a pessimist (I call my self a realist, but let's be honest, it's not a huge leap from one to the other), so I'm particularly skilled at finding flaws. There is not a single thing about him I would ever consider changing in the slightest. He is literally the epitome of everything I've ever looked for in another human being. Feed the cliché. The only thing I've ever wished is to be happy. That's been my prayer. I figure it's the one thing you can't wish you hadn't wished later on, there is no consequence to asking God for it like asking for a specific job or person, a specific person.I bargained, said that I knew I would be happy if God just gave me someone, blissfully so, but nothing was coming of it. No progression, no fulfilling of that fantasy. So I gave up. I became content with my life, poured myself into my work, and my schooling. Then I realized, God brings someone in when you least expect it, when you are content in who you are and what you are doing, then, and only then will God open another door.

And somewhere during this phase another boy snuck in, one who had just moved here, and was facing his own new door. We became friends quickly, but only friends. Just friends, my favorite one of the group to talk to, to have devotions with, the one who would help get the group together for beach days, but never did I think he would be anything more.. So here I am writing that God, you were right- when I asked to be nothing more than totally and completely happy You didn't give me what I wanted. You gave me the boy of my dreams, my prince charming. The man that I laugh with, spend all my time with, who listens to the same music I love to make me smile and will dance around the room with me. The guy who puts his arm around me and kisses me on the cheek, even in front of his friends. Who looked at my family, who I was, and didn't walk away. Who still looks at me when I'm not paying attention,

opens his eyes when we're kissing to see my face. The one who tells digressive stories, will walk around for miles with me, whose voice on the phone is the most beautiful thing I can imagine. The one I can cook with, laugh with- never feel alone with. This beautiful person that I had never noticed, and yet had never failed to notice ever since I met him. No, this relationship isn't what I expected, but it's what I got. Thank God. Dear you, I love you like you'll never know. Like 'love you' isn't enough to say it. You are the answer to my prayers.