{Love Cautiously}

Sunday, February 17, 2013

I CANNOT WAIT TO MARRY YOU:)

"Mrs. Marinucci, I know I have already asked you, and you said yes, but I want to make sure, do I have permission to ask your daughter to marry me anytime now?" "YES" October 16, the day I finally found the nerve to ask Dad, and felt fully confident in what I was about to do. Anessa was in class, luckily I didn't have the same class this morning. I called Dad to ask him about everything and talk about my plans. I asked him his final opinion and for his final blessing on asking Anessa Joy Marinucci to marry me. I asked him if in two weeks I could get down on one knee and ask the love of my life to marry me. I knew that he was going to say yes, and I mostly just wanted to tell him my plans, have him congratulate me, and make him proud. I called him and he shut off all hope and all my dreams of marrying Anessa. He said since Kristen is older she gets to be engaged first, and I have to wait for Kristen's boyfriend to propose. She is older and she has the right to be engaged and get married before me. He suggested we get married during Christmas break, because I would be older, and it wouldn't hinder Kristen's wedding plans- which she didn't have because she wasn't engaged. This was the first speed bump I had come to in my pursuit of marrying Anessa, I already had my Dad's and Anessa's mom's approval, I just wanted to finalize it with Dad. Dad and I argued about it for half an hour. I was so frustrated with Dad, a week ago I had his blessing and he was going to let me marry Anessa and he was joyful at the thought. Now he had taken all that back, and said instead of us being able to get married in the summer that we should move it to January. He told me that my sister Kristen would be mad if we got engaged and planned our wedding in the summer, because Kristen also wanted a wedding in the summer. I told him that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. Kristen isn't engaged, and she has no rights to the summer, I want to make Anessa and my relationship permanent, and Kristen and Jason haven't gotten to that point yet. She has no more right over the summer than I do. It should be first come first serve, besides Anessa and I have been going out far longer than Kristen and Jason. We ended our phone conversation with the deal that Dad would talk to Kristen and mom and see what they have to say, and that he would get back to me soon. I spend the rest of that morning thinking of how I could phrase a text to show my frustration while still being respectful. I finally sent him a not so nice text right before my class that morning. I sent it and knew it was not good, and he was going to feel disrespected and he would be mad. He called me during my class, and I was scared, he couldn't have talked to Kristen and mom yet, he had to be mad and wanted to talk. I finally got our of class and went outside to talk to Dad on the phone again. It turned out Dad wasn't mad at me in the least. He had in fact talked to mom and Kristen, and he had great news for me. He said whatever I decide is okay, and that mom and Kristen are very happy and excited for Anessa and I. So I told Dad my plans, the date, place, time, everything. I was determined now to find a wedding ring. I called Kristen to thank her for talking to Dad, and to ask her how to find a ring, and if I should buy it online or at the mall. She told me to go to the mall and just look, see what I like and what I think would be best. This was a great idea, I then made up my mind to go to the mall that night to look at wedding rings and be back in time for chapel. So I told Anessa I was going to go to the mall to go window shopping for "something", after hinting a couple more times she finally got what I meant. She didn't think in a million years that this same night I would buy her a wedding ring. I got to the mall, and started running around looking for jewelry stores. I went to all of them, seeing what everyone had, and I finally got to Zales. I saw the exact ring that I wanted but, it had a square diamond, and Anessa hates square diamonds. I asked the lady there if they had any that were exactly like that one but with a round diamond instead. She pointed out to me that the ring right above the one I was looking at was the exact ring I was looking for! It was perfect! It was the most beautiful, petite, amazing ring. It was perfect! And Anessa would never expect me to buy a ring tonight! She would be blown away if I were to ask her in two week to marry me! It was the perfect plan! I called Kristen to get her approval on the ring and she loved it! I called Dad to ask him for a loan, but he was too tired and didn't know exactly how to transfer money to me then, and asked if I could wait until the next day. Luckily mom sent me a text back saying she would love to transfer money for me, I called her and told her to look at the ring online, and asked her what she thought. She loved it, and said she would transfer me the money. I went back into the store to buy it and they asked if I would like it re-sized and they could get it back to me in 2-4 weeks. This was way too risky! I wanted to propose in 17 days and I had no guarantee to get it back before then. Also, I didn't want Anessa to suspect anything! If I had to go back in she would start to get suspicious. So I decided she could get it re-sized after I proposed, but that wouldn't be too big of a deal. Besides that little thing everything was working out perfectly and I was extremely excited to buy my future wife's wedding ring. I finally bought it and got the box to put it in. It was so perfect! I then realized Anessa had been sending me texts to me for hours and I had not been checking my phone. I was also late and wouldn't make it back in time for chapel. I sped back to school hoping everyone would still be in chapel by the time I got back so no one would see me with a Zales bag. Just in case when I got to school I put the ring in the box and put it in my pocket, and put the bag in the back of my pants, so no one would see. I ran to my room and took the ring out. I loved it! I hid it in my closet and waited for chapel to get out to apologize to my future fiance. While waiting and for the next two weeks I could not wait to propose! I must have looked at the ring a hundred times in those two weeks! Praying it would all go well, and smiling in excitement and joy every time i thought of proposing to the future Anessa Bekkering. Those were the longest two weeks of my life! But, they were also some of the happiest, knowing what was going to be happening November 2nd. Seventeen days after buying the ring Anessa and I went to Hermosa Beach for my birthday. We went to walk on the pier and then go to dinner afterwards. So we walked around for about two hours waiting for the sun to set so we could go on the pier and watch it. I had my jacket in my hand just holding it, it wasn't cold enough to wear it, but I couldn't keep it in the car, because it was going to get cold soon. We went in every little shop to waste time. As the sun started to lower Anessa started to get really cold and asked if she could use my jacket to keep warm, but I said that she couldn't wear it and that I would rather her keep warm by hugging me rather than wearing a jacket. The sun was slowly going down and Anessa finally convinced me that we could finally go on the pier to wait for the sun to set. As we walked up the pier I got a text from a photographer at our school. She said, "Hey- It's Shelli- any chance you could give me a ride on Sunday?" Of course this was our code, so i answered with, "Nope sorry we will be in temecula... we are at the end of the pier." This later part wasn't part of the code, but Anessa didn't seem to mind me texting and wasn't as curious as I thought she would be. Shelli then replied with, "Okay- I understand :)." Shelli then walked up the pier after us with her camera making sure Anessa wouldn't see her. Anessa and I were looking at birds in the ocean when I finally got the last text that Shelli was ready and walking up the pier. Anessa and I walked further down the pier as I trusted Shelli was behind us. Anessa and I stopped again and sat on a bench. We watched the waves when right before the sun set I saw someone standing behind us. I looked back and it was Shelli. I stood up, got the ring out of my jacket and asked Anessa to stand up. My heart dropped- and even while writing this my heart has dropped and it's hard to breath. Anessa stood up and I held her hand. I then asked, "Anessa Marinucci, will you marry me?" It was the hardest thing to say- knowing what was happening being filled with joy and happiness not able to breath. I put her ring on her finger and she said "YES!" I was the happiest man alive! I hugged Anessa and gave her a kiss which I will never forget. She was soo happy! She was glowing and gorgeous! I love her! and always will! Now a lot of people disagree with my decision to ask Anessa Joy to marry me while I am still in school and only 19 years old. But, I have never made such a great decision. Anessa is an amazing christian girl, she loves her Lord Jesus Christ and she knows, agrees with, and loves reformed theology. She has the best personality in the world! She's sweet- she knows how to make everyone's day, she's kind- she loves helping people, loving- she truly loves her family and would do anything to help and care for them, caring- she cares about people from the cute baby, to the old couple holding hands walking on the pier, gentle- she has a soothing soft feeling about her, humble- she is not like any other girl I have ever met in this trait. Before we started dating and even to this day Anessa doesn't know how to flirt, she doesn't try to show off her body, she doesn't want boys chasing after her- and couldn't imagine it, before we dated, she doesn't want to like guys because she didn't think they cared at all about her. she really didn't think highly of herself, but still was perfectly happy with who she was/is. Anessa Marinucci is gorgeous! she has the most beautiful eyes that sparkle and shine, she has amazing hair that has the perfect amount of blonde and brunette, that looks perfect even right after she wakes up. She doesn't agree with me on this, but I am convinced that Anessa Joy Marinucci is the most gorgeous person in the world! I love Anessa with all my heart. To those of you who think it's stupid and a waste of my college years to marry Anessa- when I think of what I want to do in my near future, if i could do anything- play football-surf- have a bunch of guy friends I hang out with- be the cool kid at school- drink beer- have money- travel- go to the beach with buddies- or get married and be able to come home everyday to Anessa, I would chose the getting married one! There is nothing in the world I enjoy more than spending time with Anessa! I can't do anything that makes me more happy and more relaxed than seeing the love of my life smile. If someone would rather travel or have time to hangout with friends that is cool; but count me out, by then I will have a wife at home, who will spend time with me, care about me, love me, kiss me, make me dinner, pray with me, do homework with me, laugh with me, and watch movies late at night with me. I'm sorry but I don't think very highly of any of that, it might be cool to do some of those things, but why do any of them if you can't do them with someone you love? And why would I rather do any or all of those in change of getting married to the love of my life? I can't think of any thing in the world that i would rather do than marry Anessa Joy Marinucci! I love you Anessa! And I cannot wait to marry You!!! <3

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Thank You for BeingMy Superman

I always used to feel so incredibly strong. I knew I was fine on my own, that I could fix almost anything and even if there was something I couldn’t fix, I would always find a way. A solution. I like being the one that helps everyone else. And you, you are just like me. You’re superman. I always knew you helped all your friends through the hard times in their lives. I liked that about you. But the moment my heart skipped a beat was when you showed me your wounds and scars. I had never seen that expression on your face, that seriousness in your eyes. I think that was the moment I realized you were more than just the funny dude I loved to hang around with. And that day flashing up for a second until you made it go away with your smile. The smile that warms my heart like no other. I guess seeing your weaknesses and scars gave me the confidence to reveal my own ones to you…knowing you were just like me, I was no longer scared to be weak. And all the things that scared me before – the way you can no longer hide behind a mask when you all in love – lost their ability to make me run away from people. During the weeks we got closer I never wanted to run away as I usually did. I just wanted you around, I wanted to hold your big hands in mine. I wanted to get lost in your eyes. I don’t have to be superwoman around you. I can be the goofy, silly, crazy, weird, hurt and wounded me around you and you still think I’m the most gorgeous girl in the world.And what I love so much is that being in love with you doesn’t make me love crazy…it doesn’t make me go through the horrible ups and downs of the usual “love me, love me not”-game. There’s just that warm feeling, like a wave that goes through my body from head to toe when you’re near, and the confidence that I can rely on you no matter what happens. By giving me the confidence to be weak around you, you have made me feel more superwoman-like. And never have I felt such a strong love as I do for you. I can't wait to marry you. Counting down the days, waking up every day excited to be your wife.
Thank you for being my superman...

Monday, May 7, 2012

A Blank Canvas

There’s no power like that of first true love. Before it happens, your heart is a blank canvas, an unwritten story. That’s what I was until I met you.
You rattled parts of me that I didn’t even know existed. You showed me a kind of happiness that I had no idea I was capable of feeling. You made me feel wanted, you made me feel needed. You taught me so much, and you exploded my world. A few months of walking on sunshine like that and nothing will ever look the same to me again.
Love takes courage. You are forced to become vulnerable, to face and surrender the most fragile parts of yourself. It’s impossible to do it with the same naïve, reckless abandon the second or third time around. I love the feeling of assurance that there will never be a second or third time. Love, true love, is an amazing thing.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I'm In Love with My Best Friend

I'm in love with my best friend.
As bad as it may sound, I've actually looked for flaws within Him. Now, I'm a little bit of a pessimist (I call my self a realist, but let's be honest, it's not a huge leap from one to the other), so I'm particularly skilled at finding flaws. There is not a single thing about him I would ever consider changing in the slightest. He is literally the epitome of everything I've ever looked for in another human being. Feed the cliché. The only thing I've ever wished is to be happy. That's been my prayer. I figure it's the one thing you can't wish you hadn't wished later on, there is no consequence to asking God for it like asking for a specific job or person, a specific person.I bargained, said that I knew I would be happy if God just gave me someone, blissfully so, but nothing was coming of it. No progression, no fulfilling of that fantasy. So I gave up. I became content with my life, poured myself into my work, and my schooling. Then I realized, God brings someone in when you least expect it, when you are content in who you are and what you are doing, then, and only then will God open another door.
And somewhere during this phase another boy snuck in, one who had just moved here, and was facing his own new door. We became friends quickly, but only friends. Just friends, my favorite one of the group to talk to, to have devotions with, the one who would help get the group together for beach days, but never did I think he would be anything more.. So here I am writing that God, you were right- when I asked to be nothing more than totally and completely happy You didn't give me what I wanted. You gave me the boy of my dreams, my prince charming. The man that I laugh with, spend all my time with, who listens to the same music I love to make me smile and will dance around the room with me. The guy who puts his arm around me and kisses me on the cheek, even in front of his friends. Who looked at my family, who I was, and didn't walk away. Who still looks at me when I'm not paying attention,
opens his eyes when we're kissing to see my face. The one who tells digressive stories, will walk around for miles with me, whose voice on the phone is the most beautiful thing I can imagine. The one I can cook with, laugh with- never feel alone with. This beautiful person that I had never noticed, and yet had never failed to notice ever since I met him. No, this relationship isn't what I expected, but it's what I got. Thank God. Dear you, I love you like you'll never know. Like 'love you' isn't enough to say it. You are the answer to my prayers.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Friday, September 16, 2011

A poem

A super sweet poem.

Goodnight my sun on the cloudy day! My blanket at a cold game! My coffee in the morning!




Goodnight my sweatshirt at the beach!
My slippers in the morning! My fire in the winter!





Goodnight my flower in the weeds! My moon in the sky! My water on a hot day!



My music on a bad day! Goodnight my amazing, my beautiful... -My Boy